MB

I’ve found myself in a writer’s rut for quite some time now. Not feeling passionate or knowledgeable enough about anything to write anything. But I also have found myself in a sentimental place. This is a common theme in my life as I approach a big change. There’s a lot of “first lasts” these days as I am in my last year at Texas A&M University. First last day of fall semester, football game as a student, academic planner, class registration, exams, papers, finals, and so on. The place that I viewed as unobtainable for so long has been my home for almost three years now, and it is about to be the place I leave for the next adventure out there. 

One of my main outlets of space I have created here has been running. While I am by no means a pro, this has created space to allow my brain to think things over or think nothing at all. In true fashion, I have one route I run- from my apartment to the golf course and back- about 6 miles. There is an underpass I run through every time and on the bridge is a segment from the famous war hymn quote “there’s a spirit that can ne’er be told.” When I first came here, I went to t-camp and one of the speakers quoted an old saying that has followed A&M for decades “From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. And from the inside looking out you can’t explain it.” The legacy, the dedication, the people, the community, and the spirit of Aggieland is one that is rare and powerful. 

The amount of support, patience, encouragement, lessons learned, and tools given far exceed a novel, let alone a post. I have a difficult time admitting weakness in the moment. But I want to include areas I have struggled in because without it this would not be authentic. These last couple years have been some of the highest highs where I have made lifelong relationships and memories that have shaped who I am, but I have experienced some of the lowest lows as well. Reflection is a powerful tool, and one I have been utilizing quite a bit these days both in school and life. 

Comparison kills. 

One of the biggest areas of weakness that has tried to steal my joy is comparison. Growing up going to college was never a question, I knew I was going to graduate from Texas A&M. I was homeschooled for most of my life (already unconventional) and when I graduated high school, I knew that my college career was going to follow the same pattern. My #1 goal has always been to graduate debt free (putting this one above graduating from A&M). While I had taken a decent amount of dual credits in high school, I still had a chunk of pre-reqs that I could take at Austin Community College (ACC) and transfer over to A&M. While I don’t need to bore you with the details, it wasn’t an easy season for me. I worked 30 hours a week, went to classes, and lived with my parents. I didn’t have a social life, and the people that I had known in high school all seemed to be miles ahead of me- some at a four year university posting their decorated dorms, joining sororities, showing off their new “friends”. Others were kickstarting their career in the workplace and doing a great job at it. I felt stuck. And then it all changed… or so I thought. I transferred in, moved into my first apartment, and started my journey at the greatest university. I had worked so hard for this and sacrificed so much, and I thought that I could just go with the flow once I got here. I learned very quickly that I was very wrong. Comparison never dies. There will always be something better, someone more privileged. Not having to work through school, being able to go on spring break trips, going to the bar every weekend, driving a fancy car, having a million friends. These are all areas that seem so silly but have been areas of weakness during times of struggle. I have had to learn through these low points to not get caught up in the highlights of someone else’s life- we all have areas of privilege and poverty. 

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. 

My biggest takeaway from my first semester here is that who you surround yourself with defines your success. Who are you allowing into your life? What do they bring to the table? How do you contribute? These are all crucial questions to ask yourself at any point. In my immaturity, I initially surrounded myself with people who drained me. I would use them to escape responsibility rather than seek guidance from people who have been in the same shoes. I became complacent and didn’t initiate change. Thankfully this season didn’t last long, in fact it crashed and burned. And it hurt. But it also created room and space for me to redefine who I am. In this, I met one of my lifelong friends, Kirsten Bynum. There are very few people who embody strength, leadership, forgiveness, and intentionality like her. She has the gift of welcoming in others and making them feel safe. She’s also the most talented photographer I know (hit up her instagram for all your picture needs). Through her I have met another 4lyfer, Lauren Telford. The most extraverted introvert, picture-or-it-didn’t-happen, introduce her to your parents, late night study buddy kind of gal. The first “my love language is gifts” friend who has taught me the importance of intentional and quality gift giving and receiving. We love a woman in STEM. One of the things that I have learned is that friendships take time. If first semester me could see me now and the support I have she would most definitely cry.

Get a planner. And use it. 

My planner is my best friend. It knows me more than anyone. It keeps me focused and disciplined. But it took work. I had to learn what works best with me and what keeps me most productive. I learned that at an overview- I only need to write main points and keep it simple as to not get overwhelmed. At a weekly basis I go crazy. I make check-mark boxes so I can visually track my progress. I write down everything due, everything I expect of myself for any given day, events, and upcoming reminders. I even make a full-blown itinerary for football games and holidays. While this is a major key to keeping myself accountable, I have also had to learn to not let my planner dictate my life. If I’m having a hard day, then I have learned how to adjust and accommodate. I think that a major key to staying on track and maintaining continuous discipline is by knowing how to plan. 

While I am working on compiling a list of lessons I have learned throughout my college career (stay tuned), I want to be authentic with where I am as you read this. The overwhelming feeling of gratitude is, and has been, my foundation throughout these years. I have been reminded time after time of the kindness and generosity from the people around me- those who have been before me and have passed down their wisdom and counsel. I would not be here without them. A few of them (but not limited to whatsoever) being My Family, the Terrell’s, the McDaniel’s, Dr. Rister, Lorenzo Gomez, Luke Rizzo, Kaitlyn Moss, Kirsten Bynum, Lauren Telford, Cal Melvin, Scott Vernon, the Stenberg’s, David Johnson, Rita Diesing, and James Noonan. I am so thankful for their guidance and look forward to the coming time when I can do the same for the future generation of students. While I am so ready to be done with exams and assignments, I’m also nervous of the next step. I selfishly want to live in this little bubble with my friends a 10 minute drive away and surrounded by people who are here to learn. I don’t have a syllabus of the next season after school to rely on. The next adventure is about to begin, and I am equal parts excited and terrified to embark on it.