MB

“Can’t”. It’s a word all of us are familiar with. A common excuse used in many ways. It’s the word I hate the most. Brazos Bend is the exact opposite of “can’t”. I love Brazos Bend- the atmosphere, the smell, the trees, and the alligators are just a few things that make it so special to me. It’s a place where I can.

There’s something so empowering to me when I register. I had a sort of optimistic look on how it’s going to be- fun, easy, and effortless, because my legs were well recovered from my last ultra and my mind was blocking out all the strong feelings I had (including the “I am never running ever again” at every finish). And I loved going into training with that mindset.

Now, let me explain that at this point even though I had blocked out some of the feelings of the races, I still remembered what was best for me. I learned my running patterns, what to wear, what I should eat during training, how much I should drink, and I also learned how to overcome mental doubt (HUGE thanks to David Goggins and the way he walks this out on a daily basis). I had run for Goggins’ foundation “roger that mentality” in my previous race and had no doubt that I would do that again for this one.

With the learning came an easy switch from normal life to training- 3 miles were my minimum mileage start and within a week I knew every step and every breath to take. I could already tell that I was to a good start. This is not me saying that every run was easy. I would come home at least half of the time disappointed in my time or how I felt, but I learned how to minimize that and embrace those days as an opportunity to push through and overcome how I was feeling. And with that my worst runs became my most treasured days.

This race was the first race that I hadn’t camped out the night before at Brazos State Park. I ended up staying at my house the night before and waking up at 1:30 a.m. to make the 3 1/2 hour commute. There was nothing wrong with this because I knew I could go to bed as early and be fine with 5 hours of sleep. That plan worked until about 10 pm when a massive storm blew in. It sounded like a hurricane was right outside my window. So I stared at my ceiling until my alarm went off. BUT that wasn’t enough to dismay me, I already had adrenaline kicking in.

We got to Brazos. We set up the tent at the start line (where I would pass through twice and come near two other times). And we waited. I had memorized the course by this point, being familiar with it for the marathon I went over and over what different areas there were to mentally prepare myself for this long run. The 50 miler started for my dad an hour before mine. And eventually they lined the 50k up to start. From that point, I don’t remember much on that loop. My muscles were getting tired at about mile 15 but I still felt good. I was right on time for my goal. I did the first loop on my second lap (up to what we call the “T” where I would be the closest to the tent besides when I would finish) with Casey, my boyfriend, keeping me company on a bike and towards the end my dad, running with me for a couple of miles before he had to run a separate path. At the “T”, Casey ditched his bike for some running shoes and selflessly offered himself up to pace me my last 7 miles.

Those 7 miles are the defining miles in this race. It is where the “can’t” creeps up. Where I start to doubt how I can possibly take another step, how I can maintain encouragement to other runners (let alone myself), and how I can keep a smile on my face.  This is also where I realize why I am doing what I’m doing. It’s not because I love running, in fact I despise running. I do this because it’s the only place I feel like I can 100% gain mental endurance. Where I push through what I am thinking and just do it. Those 7 miles are the worst, loneliest, defeating, joyous, conquering, beautiful miles ever. And those 7 miles deserve all the focus. Running 24 miles is easy, running the last 7 is super tough. So when Casey told me that he could run with me those last couple miles, I almost cried. His presence and encouragement was such a gift and I am so blessed by his kindness.

At 3:41 pm, I finished.

I came in first place for my age group. I set my own personal record- not just with time but with how good I felt. I learned, I grew, and I also said that I will never race again (short lived, only lasted until I showered and then I started thinking about Brazos Bend 100 in the Fall).

This race served as a reminder to me on how much people make an impact in my runs. I am so thankful for the love and support I received- the encouraging texts and messages from friends and family, the always present and helpful support from my brother, Ben, the inspiration of David Goggins, the kindness of Casey for being there for me in my toughest moments, Rob Goyen, the race director, for pouring his time, energy, love, and dedication into the meticulous planning that goes on before, during, and after the race, but most of all for my parents. My dad is my inspiration, I look up to him so much. He is always behind the scenes supporting me and helping me. My mom is my hero, being at every race I am at and selflessly being the best crew chief out there- refilling my bottle, making sure I’m fueling right, and encouraging me are just a few of the many amazing things she always does.

Here’s to Brazos Bend, the place I can.

-m